lotusroottie

Fear Factor

2009-11-15T22:58:00.002+08:00

Not sure since when, I fear going to work. I fear getting out of bed in the morning thinking of my work day and things to do, things to finish.
I begin to feel really meaningless to keep doing a job that I hate. I do not feel any sense of satisfaction. I do not feel any sense of belonging or any remote sense of this industry I am in. I feel...so out of place.
What has happened to me? I know I need money = that is why I worked. This is making me breathless. I am attempting to change a new job in a new industry. Alas, all my friends and even my family do not support me. I have to take a very very big pay cut. I have to be realistic. But really, the agony of going to work everyday is like.....a death sentance hanging by my head. The drift is real.
I do not want to end up a loony bin. I do not want my child to grow up without a mother. Please. My Fear Factor = going to work everyday. Now I have fainting spells in office. I get fast heart beat with total breathless at times. I get gastric upset that I never have before. I get running stomach when I am sure I did not eat anything wrong.
Help.........

XXX

2009-08-11T23:37:00.003+08:00

Day XXX of feeling self-pity and despair.
Saw footages on TV-typhoon in Taiwan, China blowing houses away...killing many people..our angry Mother Nature taking a hit back at us....earthquake in Tokyo....H1N1 deaths everywhere....OMG...what the hell is going on??
Trying to find some work that I can do from home and earn some $$$....all bogus data-entry jobs....sigh....life sucks...
A friend is in trouble...cos of $$$...all because of her roomie....sigh.....she even sold her house to clear her roomie's debts....and then her roomie now has more debts....sigh....she super want to jump already....i cannot help her...feeling damn more depressed....
Day XXX in the rat race.....goodbye...and out...

Life sucks!

2009-08-02T08:38:00.003+08:00

I hate my life! I hate my job! I hate myself! Argh! Frustrating and life sucks! Nothing is right! Noting is correct! Nothing is good! What the hell am I doing here??

Am I a maid at home? Am I a clerk ini th office? Am I a bore to my friends? Bloody Hell! What am I doing with my life????

Sucks! Makes me wanna puke and spit at Life in the face.....telling Life to get lost!

I HATE IT! I suck at work! I suck at housework! I suck at sports!

Throw me away!

I need a vacation!

2009-04-18T00:55:00.002+08:00

Hmm...planning to go somewhere in June...otherwise my leave will never get cleared in time!
But i need cheap and good ideas.......anybody???
Can i go somewhere for a week for less than SGD1000 for 3pax??.......and please not Sentosa or Ubin.......I need to fly out.........
Friends say I can bloody dream on.............sigh......

Me IT idiot....

2009-02-03T10:05:00.002+08:00

Seeing the beautiful blogs created by Boozing Strawberry and UTG makes ne so envy!!! Sighh.....when can I do all that???Need alot of patience and time to search and try rite???ehahaha.......Ok! When I win Toto S$10milliion this Friday, I can rot at home and do up my beautiful blog page......ehahhahha....*dreaming*

Team Lunch 10102008

2008-10-13T12:06:00.003+08:00

Wowoow....had a great team lunch last Friday! Me first time drk Don Perignon.....expensive champagne.......ehahhha....tasted really much much nicer than the usual ones.......dun want to drk other champagne anymore.....ehahahah......of cos, me not great on champagne......
Purple already said dun want to celebrate bday.....doesn't want anybody to know......cheeky bikini still whisper to the waiter and ended up they gave purple a small bday cake!
After that, went for another round of drks with some business associates and i am dozing off listtening to their conversation...ehahaha......bikini woke me up and started some crappy topic....we drank more wine and concluded that i prefer white than red. Nevertheless, I am not an expert on wine. Just enjoy it!

Btw, a day before taht (Thur), bikini is asking what we wanted for lunch. I said to let Purple decide since we are also partly celebrating her bday. Purple says to ask ke ai since she is the "fussy one". So Bikini asked ke ai and guess what?ke ai said she anyting said she is NOT FUSSY. So Bikini goes:-
Bikini: Italian food?
Ke ai: Dun wan lah, me just back fm Italy
Bikini: Jap food?
Ke ai: huh.....erm...
Bikini: Thai food?
Ke ai: spicy & sour me got acid reflux...
Bikini: AND U STILL SAY U NOT FUSSY??!?!!?
ehahah.......Bikini suan ke ai till she speechless......wowoow........i like Bikini's suan power! ehahahha

Life sucks!

2008-08-28T13:19:00.002+08:00

Why???Life sucks!!!Argh!!! Last Friday was bad......all super moody at work!!! We got an email from CEO that our Group is being sold to another Company.....OMG! Imagine the shock we have!!
Everyone is the office was shocked, even the HOD has no idea. We are kinda of lost....some are so depressed that they have to leave early...to find a place to cry....sigh......
Up till now, no firm instructions are given how to proceed. We are all still waiting and the deal is expected to be finalised by this year end. Most people are worried that they will be jobless, they may be asked to leave etc etc.....
My dept is an extended arm of the Group. Guess our future is even more bleak as we seem to stick out like a sore thumb. Maybe this sore thumb needs to be destroyed....somehow, it does not seem to fit in the pisture.......sigh...........sad...sad.....no increment, no bonus and now no job!?!?!?!
Perhaps gotta to start looking.........:(

Roomie's Accusation (Part Two)

2008-07-11T14:07:00.003+08:00

Managed to talk to Roomie over dinner 2 days ago. I told him I super buay song him scolding me 4 letter words and wrongful accusation. He did apologised that he was very agitated that nite plus super jealous when seeing me having so many things to talk to Mr IT.

Sigh....I guess after so many years together, what is there really that will interest me to talk to him??ehahhah........knowing each other too well is not really good. We can talk about household bills, kiddo and work. Other than that, what else is there to talk? Really.

Boozer is so mad at him when I told her what happened. eehahahah........she is such a nice friend. Offering to buy me headphones and watch tv all day should we have a cold play on this. Short-hair and Ke ai also think so funny after listening to my story. As Boozer says, they all will never believe that I am having an affair with Mr IT.ehahaha........only stupid roomie will think of such idiotic ideas!

No cold play this time. We know what happened and talk about it. Better this way. Although we may risk quarrelling with each other again, but at least we talked and resolved it. We know why we are angry with each other and will take note in future. Roomie hor...super possesive and petty! And his wild thinking is the same as his mama!! (It runs in his family).......duhz.......

Roomie's unreasonable accusation!!!

2008-07-10T09:48:00.002+08:00

4th July, buddy's wedding. Feeling really happy that day and even went down to do my make-up and hair nicely before proceeding to her wedding banquet. Roomie was there as well as both of us knew buddy and I thought it will be a great nite!

The nite went well, lots of drinks, fun and laughter. All of us fooling around with the bride and groom way into the wee hours. Gotten countless complaints from the hotel security staff and also neighbouring rooms. ehahhah......guess we made too much noise and the new couple cannot be making any more "noise" that nite.

Reached home, roomie insisted to pick kiddo home. I was bathing and roomie started shouted at me outside saying I was flirting with other man infront of him and giving him a nice "Green Cap"! I was so damn pissed. Thought he was drunk, but he is not. He still scold me F**K and says I am f**king around behind his back!

Follow up with lots of arguement, angry daggers are shot. Then he puked all over toilet and I left him there to sleep on his puke. Damn! I wish he would disappear! You know why I was accused? Cos of resons as follows:-
1. Purple says I am getting prettier and asked him to take good care of me. (Roomie says she is hinting at him that there are other men "taking care" of me outside)
2. Mr IT shelled a prawn for me and I ate it. (Mr IT did it for all the ladies on our table, but roomie says he only saw that he did it for me!)
3. I take pictures with Mr IT "intimately" (says I hug Mr IT so tight like my boyfrd)
4. Mr IT not at his desk and his hp rang. I took his hp and wondered if I should answer cos I saw that a frd is looking for him. (Roomie says hp is personal stuff, if I can see his hp it means I am in a special relationship with him!)

Roomie says he will f**k another woman infront of me next time so that I can feel what he is feeling that nite. What an idiot! I did nothing wrong!

Feeling exhausted, angry, upset and horribly depressed. I gave up trip to Malacca the next morning. Do not think I will enjoy my trip and still need to control my unhappiness deep within. Duhz....me not so super good at acting lor.....

Sigh.....life sucks....!!!

Cold Play ended!!

2008-06-29T22:26:00.003+08:00

Finally, I am the one who gave in......sigh.....why my roomie so super stubborn???I am not kidding when I say he is super super stubborn, super egoistic, super MCP.......
Me: Are we ignoring each other the rest of our days???
Rommie: U didn't want to speak to me mah.
Me: U can talk to me first rite?
Roomie: U refused to talk to me also what.
Me: *^*(%(&^$*%&(^()**)_ (idiot)
Roomie: So now how??
Me: I started first already lor, what more do u want?
Roomie: *smile*
Me: *sigh*

Make up is done over a stick of Magnum ice cream and cold play has ended..........

*sigh*...am I super useless???

Cold Play

2008-06-22T21:46:00.002+08:00

Yes, doing cold play with roomie since last Sunday............

I find that our cold play gets longer gradually after each fight..........already one week and no sign of the cold play ending.......

Kiddo is the most fortunate one. I bring her out on Sat, roomie bring her out on Sun. Luckily Kiddo never asked why 3 of us didn't go out together. I wouldn't know what excuse to tell her.

I dun even want to explain how it started. I am very very bothered by the fact that I have to give in to him every single time we fight. He expects everyone to listen to him and follow his orders. Yes, even me.

I used to think that as a couple, it doesn't matter who makes the 1st move. We are supposed to "accomodating". Is that the right word???ehahahha........there is no perfect person. I am definitely not one. How can he expect me to be one???

This time, he left home. Packs his stuff and left on last Sun nite. Appeared at home on Friday nite. Cos need to wash his clothes!?!?! Cos he missed Kiddo!?!?!? Cos he refuse to let me take over our house(his house)!?!?!??

No idea. The play goes on.......

Good guy?Bad guy?

2008-06-12T23:13:00.003+08:00

Just now watching a show wif kiddie. Scene shows policeman catching bad guy and also scences of policeman and wife divorce, wife cries.

Kiddie: Why this guy beat the other guy?
Me: One is a policeman, the other is the bad guy.
Kiddie: That guy didn't wear police uniform, how u know he is a policeman??
Me: erm...!?!?!?!
Kiddie: The other guy also didn't say he is bad guy, how you know he is bad guy???
Me: erm......!?!?!??!? The things they do will reflect if they are good or bad. Good guy will not steal and kill ple mah.
Kiddie: Then how I will know which one is good and which one is bad? Will they write it on their foreheaad so that I know next time?
Me: *laughing helplessly*......Kiddie, this will depend on your own judgement. No teachers nor parents can teach you this.
Kiddie: ??????? *face full of puzzle*

Gosh, the questions innocent youngsters posed are so prfound!

Kiddie: Why that jie jie cry? (wife of policeman)
Me: Cos ge ge bully her lor.
Kiddie: Why he bully her?
Me: He scold jie jie and hurt her feelings.
Kiddie: What is "hurt"?
Me: Erm, make someone sad and heart pain. Like you today, fell down and alot of bruises, me see already heart pain......
Kiddie: * after serious thinking* if you got bruises will I feel heartpain also??
Me: !?!??!?!??...........ehahahahha.......

Sigh....how to explain??ehahhha....

Depressed!

2008-06-10T23:26:00.003+08:00

Early morning, wake up feeling damn depressed......pissed and starting scolding everyone at home.

Roomie: What happen to u? So blue meh?

Me: I feel sick of doing same ting day after day, week after week, year after year!

Rommie: Me also mah, what do u have to complain?*rolled his eyes*

Me: All u do is work, come home see tv and be CHAIRMAN. I still gotta do all housework and see kid. U do what?See tv only.*super buay song look*

Roomie: I didnt give u any trouble mah, I just watch my tv also cannot meh?

Me: Ya, never lift a finger to help also.

Roommie: See, women are same. Starting nagging already early mrn. Super unreasonable.

Me: I tink mistress life better than wife. Let's divorced. Me be mistress, will only have fun with u. U go get another wife.

Roomie: Ok lor, u say one, dun regret hor. Alot women wants to be with me!

Me: *(%^*%$%$&.........shoot him a super TL and buay song look......

Wanted to bark at the whole world today! Roomie is so hopeless! Unreasonable! Argh!!!!!!!!

Hateful Roomate

2008-06-08T16:09:00.002+08:00

Pissed me off!arrgghh....!Sigh....are roomates all the same after years of rooming???really sad....
Fri nite after reaching home went out again with roomate's "buddy" & his gf for drks.Roomate talks all the way about work, work, work.....i rolled my eyes, "buddy" saw it and can sense my helplessness and told him good naturedly "ur lady doesn't want to listen anymore. Just relax urslef on a Fri nite." Roomate give me a killer stare and CONTINUED his woes at work.....duhz....how the hell did I end up with him in the first place???ehahahha............
Roomate not interested in my job woes but expected me to listen to his. If I say something happen to me at work that piss me off, he can easily rattle on a worser scenerio than me.
Sigh, i can only complain to my blog...ehahhhha......

Kitten in our office!

2008-06-06T00:04:00.002+08:00

Today a guy came to our office to adjust aircon(again)........ke ai lah...always cold.......now bikini also cold....&^%&^$^%$^*
when guy climb up ceiling to see, we heard kitten meow!.shock us to death..........purple say must be a real kitten cos she heard sound of steps these few days. Purple saw the guy talking on the phone and say he's calling for help!
Bikini says not possible cos kitten need to take lift to 42nd floor and must change lift at 38 floor somemore...&%&^$%&^
I say must take 4d...ehahhaha....
Ended up...it's the RINGTONE of that guy's hp!...goodness.........what a sotong day...ehhaha